Guiding without Controlling
Have you ever seen that mom that can turn on the tears in an instant to get her teenager to do what she wants them to do, or that dad who has a certain look that brooks no argument whatsoever?
Did you have a parent that was able to elicit the desired response from you whether you agreed or not? Are you a parent that can be manipulative or coercive with your teen?
Parents will often tell me that they just want what’s best for their teenager. And I believe them. But, unfortunately, so many parents go about it the wrong way. They try to control their teens instead of guide them. And there is a very big difference!
Guiding them teaches your teenager the power they have in making a choice. It teaches them that they are responsible for any consequence that may come with their choice. Trying to control them through manipulation only pushes the growing young adults far from the wise choices we are so desperate for them to embrace.
Take a moment and ask yourself this question. “Do I control or guide my teenager?” And be very honest in your answer!
The great thing about this is that it is not too late to begin again!
Check out this month’s Online Parenting Class that focuses on how we guide our teenager without controlling them. I hope this is a help to you!
Did you have a parent that was able to elicit the desired response from you whether you agreed or not? Are you a parent that can be manipulative or coercive with your teen?
Parents will often tell me that they just want what’s best for their teenager. And I believe them. But, unfortunately, so many parents go about it the wrong way. They try to control their teens instead of guide them. And there is a very big difference!
Guiding them teaches your teenager the power they have in making a choice. It teaches them that they are responsible for any consequence that may come with their choice. Trying to control them through manipulation only pushes the growing young adults far from the wise choices we are so desperate for them to embrace.
Take a moment and ask yourself this question. “Do I control or guide my teenager?” And be very honest in your answer!
The great thing about this is that it is not too late to begin again!
Check out this month’s Online Parenting Class that focuses on how we guide our teenager without controlling them. I hope this is a help to you!
I hope you have had a chance to watch this month’s video! It’s all about the difference between controlling and guiding your teenager. And I think that is a pretty important topic!
It can make the difference between a healthy, growing relationship or a struggling one with your teenager!
Now we know that every teenager is different and needs different types of guidance. But one thing that is the same in all teenagers is their passionate desire for independence. And it often seems that they are constantly, almost intentionally, choosing the opposite of what we think is wise!
I don’t know about you, but that sounds an awful lot like my relationship with God! How many times have you made a decision or choice only to realize God was working in the situation the entire time? But did He ever once force you to choose His way or did He give you the freedom to make your own decision?
The crazy thing about the love of God is that it came first! John 15:16 says, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you…” And that is the very thing we can relate to as a parent! We know that same kind of love when it comes to our teenagers. And the way we choose to love God back is by humbling our free will to His will. We don’t always do it, and neither do our teens.
Here are a few ideas that will help you guide your teen and not control them.
Walking with you,
It can make the difference between a healthy, growing relationship or a struggling one with your teenager!
Now we know that every teenager is different and needs different types of guidance. But one thing that is the same in all teenagers is their passionate desire for independence. And it often seems that they are constantly, almost intentionally, choosing the opposite of what we think is wise!
I don’t know about you, but that sounds an awful lot like my relationship with God! How many times have you made a decision or choice only to realize God was working in the situation the entire time? But did He ever once force you to choose His way or did He give you the freedom to make your own decision?
The crazy thing about the love of God is that it came first! John 15:16 says, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you…” And that is the very thing we can relate to as a parent! We know that same kind of love when it comes to our teenagers. And the way we choose to love God back is by humbling our free will to His will. We don’t always do it, and neither do our teens.
Here are a few ideas that will help you guide your teen and not control them.
- Agree on a signal that your teen can use when they feel like you are trying to control them. But you both have to be willing to listen to the other persons viewpoint!
- Don’t try to rescue them from the natural consequences of their own choices! That’s a really tough one!
- Make sure they always know that your love is not dependent on their decisions. You will always be there for them.
- Know that you won’t always agree with your teen’s choice. And they shouldn’t ask you to!
- Recognize when you need to step in to a situation that your teen is not equipped to handle. Prayer is absolutely necessary for discernment.
- Just remember that your teenager is becoming an adult and you are the best one to parent them through this, otherwise God would never have chosen you to do it!
Walking with you,